Changing Shades - 20

Chapter 20

Arnav spent a sleepless night that night. 

After the dinner at the Dewans’ house, he spent a long time thinking. Lavanya’s words about Khushi echoed in his ears.

“She’s had a tough few years. Very tough.”

“She had to be the strong one. She didn’t have anyone to lean on.”

“She’s never had someone to love her, to show her that he loves her …someone looking out for her, being protective, caring … girls want that, you know. The feeling of being the most important person in a man’s life, someone he will love, always be there for.”

He remembered how before asking Pratibha to come back with them, Mrs. Dewan had turned to Khushi.

“Khushi bitiya, will we manage?”

And Khushi’s calm reassurance.

“Yes, Ma. We’ll manage.”

Khushi turning on him bitterly in the hotel room in Kathmandu.

“You didn’t love me, Arnav. Neither of you loved me. You only wanted to possess me. For both of you, it was a matter of ego.”

“True love … they are both dying, and their only thought is for each other. That’s what I want …. And this time I won’t settle for anything less. It hurts too much.”

He wanted Khushi. He loved her. He wanted her back in his life. He had wanted her, from the day he walked into Mr. Suri’s office and saw her smiling and laughing with Lavanya. He had been furious that she could smile and laugh without a care in the world, that she had moved on and made a new life for herself, while he had never been able to forget her. But that didn’t stop him from wanting her. And now she was free.

But what did Khushi want?

“She’s never had someone to love her, to show her that he loves her. Someone to look out for her. Someone being protective … caring …”

He remembered the way Khushi had collapsed into his arms in the hotel room, and cried her heart out. But the moment she realised what she was doing, she had withdrawn. And she had stayed withdrawn ever since. Cool … calm … polite … but withdrawn. And once Mrs. Dewan arrived in Kathmandu, Khushi’s entire focus had been on her mother-in-law and looking after her.

She had agreed to come back to the office. But Arnav knew it was because of her in-laws and Pratibha, and the medical costs. Still … she had agreed.

“She’s had to be the strong one, it would be great if she had someone to lean on, someone to take care of her.”

By morning, Arnav knew what he was going to do.  

****   

Arnav was at work very early the next morning. He wanted to be there before Khushi arrived.

She came in nervously – Lavanya was still not there. Today she wore a pale lemon yellow saree, with small silver teardrops in her ears. To Arnav’s eyes, she looked stunning, ethereal. She smiled hesitantly at him in greeting and he escorted her to her desk and sat down close to her.

“You’re looking beautiful,” he said softly and she swallowed and looked down.

“Thank you,” she muttered.

“Thank you,” he returned, and when she looked up startled, he smiled.

“Thank you for coming back,” he said softly, and she flushed slightly.

“I’ve come back to work,” she reminded him, when he continued looking at her and made no move to leave. “Arnav? Can we start?”

He looked at her a moment more and then sighed. “Ok, work then. Let’s get that out of the way.”

He looked among the pile on his desk and picked out some papers. “These plans you were working on the other day …” he began, smiling down at her. “Remember, Khushi? On karva chauth?”

She looked at him, surprised.

“You … knew? That it was … karva chauth?”

“I guessed,” he said, still smiling. “You had fasted that day, hadn’t you? No wonder you lost your cool with me. You were hungry. You always did get bad-tempered when you got hungry!”

A small smile tugged at her lips. He shifted closer still.

“See, Khushi? I remember everything about you. Good … and bad.”

He was so close that she couldn’t focus on his face. His lips were very close to hers again and she stared at them in fascination, her own parting almost involuntarily.

Then Lavanya slammed in the front door, her footsteps noisy in the quiet office and Khushi started back. Lavanya came into Arnav’s office, saw them sitting together and gave a gasp.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she blabbered, backing away outside. “I didn’t know … Khushi!!! You’re back!!!”

She came back in again at a run, and Khushi stood, smiling to greet the other girl as she enveloped her in a hug. Lavanya held her close for a minute, and when she separated from Khushi, her eyes were damp.

“I’m so … sooo glad you’re back – this place has been awful without you,” she said happily, then faltered. “Khushi, you are back, aren’t you? You will stay?”

“Yes, I will,” Khushi assured her, stealing a quick look at Arnav. He was looking at her, a twisted smile on his face, a smile meant for her alone, and her heart gave a funny little jump inside her chest.

“Yes, she will,” said Arnav, even more firmly, and then he mock-glared at Lavanya. “As for you … you’re late …”

“Oh?” asked Lavanya saucily. “I kind of got the feeling I was a bit early …” She grinned as Khushi flushed red, and Arnav gave an outright chuckle.

“Your timing needs some attention,” he agreed as he ushered her firmly out. “No problem … we’ll fix it. I owe you,” he added in a lower tone and she smiled cheekily at him.

“I won’t say ‘I told you so’,” she said, equally softly, “but now … go for it, Arnav.”

“What are you both whispering about?” asked Khushi curiously, and Arnav shut the door firmly in Lavanya’s grinning face.

“Nothing,” he said, loudly, “Work stuff … Khushi, we need to get some work done …”

“I know,” she said, still a little puzzled. “I’m waiting …”  

They got to work after that, and Khushi discovered anew what it was like to be with an Arnav who wasn’t filled with bitterness and hate, an Arnav who, as they discussed the plans, laughed and joked frequently, teased her gently … it was like the old days again, and now Khushi wondered how could she ever have been so blind as to not have realized what she felt for him so many years ago. Every time he looked at her, she felt warm all over, every time he smiled, she felt giddy, when he praised her, she felt a rush of pleasure completely out of proportion to his words, when they agreed on the final plans together, she felt exhilarated. She didn’t even realize when Lavanya left for the day, so lost was she in her thoughts, her dreams as she looked again and again at him as they worked.

 Finally they wound up and he stretched tiredly.

“God, I’m tired,” he said, then grinned at her. “All your fault.”

“Why?!” she retorted, smiling slightly at his teasing, feeling so relaxed that it was hard to believe the last few months had been so different.  “What did I do?”

“Perfectionist that you are … you want everything done to the final T … and now I can’t act the tyrant and leave you alone to do everything like I did earlier,” he mocked. “otherwise Dewan aunty will be after me with a broomstick. Come.”

She picked up her bag and jacket. He held the door for her and she looked at him questioningly.

“I’ll drop you back to the hostel,” he said. “It’s late. Will you get dinner there?”

She shook her head without thinking.

“I won’t get anything there at this time,” she said. “The mess will be shut by now.”

His face closed again, the smile disappearing.

“So what do you normally do if you get late?” he asked her abruptly, and Khushi realised why he was asking. He was remembering all the times he had made her stay late without reason. She looked at him, her eyes clear.

“I sometimes cook myself noodles, or … if I’m too tired, I don’t bother to eat,” she said casually, trying to play it down. She was past prevaricating.

He gave a small expletive.

“God, Khushi … you …”

He turned and looked away, his throat working, and Khushi melted.

“Arnav?” she said softly. “Arnav, it’s okay … I keep some bread and milk in my room. Don’t worry.”

She wasn’t being strictly truthful, but she could see that he was hurting, and she found she couldn’t take that. He turned back to her and tried to smile, but she could see the effort it took.

“In other words, you have a feast,” he scoffed. “But do you mind if I take you out somewhere for a meal? I don’t have noodles or bread at home tonight.”

She smiled back.

“Fine, if you insist,” she teased. “I’ll pass up my amazing instant noodles just for you.”

He grinned, more naturally this time.

“Thank you,” he said in a low voice, and she shook her head at him.

He took her for dinner to a small but very snazzy Italian restaurant, where the tables were set into cosy, intimate nooks and two musicians played instruments and sang softly as they circled the restaurant floor. The lights were dim, just enough for Khushi to look at Arnav as often as she wanted, without him noticing … and without her realizing that he was gazing at her equally often. Afterwards, they walked to a small gelato place and he bought ice-creams, and they walked along the seafront, licking their cones, the wind blowing in their faces and whipping Khushi’s hair across her face. She exclaimed as it came in her eyes, and Arnav stopped and gently turned her to face him. He put up a hand and smoothed the silky strands away from her face, his hand lingering on her skin as she stared at him. For a long moment, he stared back – then he gave a small smile, and turned her back to continue their walk.  

He dropped her back to her hostel very late and stood for a moment, looking at the grimy building with scowling eyes.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning,” was all he said, though, and she looked as puzzled as she felt.

“I can manage,” she began, and he cut across her words.

“I know you can. I’ll pick you up. 9 o’clock fine?”

She nodded, smiling a little, and he gave her a grin and a mock-salute, before driving off, a small smile playing on his lips.