Saturday, 14 February 2015

Changing Shades - 12

Chapter 12



Khushi's hand crept to her mouth. She couldn't think of anything to say.

Arnav came forward to the bed. He took Manish's lifeless hand in his. He spoke firmly.

 “Manish! Can you hear me? Manish?”

Was there a slight movement of the hand in his? He held it more firmly, and spoke again.
Manish?”

This time the hand moved more surely, and there was a slight sound from the motionless figure on the bed. Arnav held the hand more firmly in his.
Manish! Can you hear me? Can you see me? I'm Arnav. I'm here, Manish. It's all right, Manish. It's all right.”

Manish opened his eyes again, and seemed to focus on Arnav. And why wouldn't he? Thought Khushi bitterly. Arnav's voice was enough to bring back anybody from the dead, such was the authority and confidence in it.

“Arnav?” It was little more than a whisper.

Arnav held his hand tighter.

“It's all right, old fellow. It's all right.”

Manish's eyelids fluttered open, and then seemed to focus again on the figure next to the bed. This time when he spoke, his voice was stronger.

“Look after her, please, Arnav. I'm sorry. I hurt her a lot. She was always yours, and I wouldn't accept it. Tell me you forgive me.”

His voice tailed away again, and this time Khushi knew he would not come back. He had said all that he had to say.

Arnav turned and looked at her, and for the life of her, she could not read that look. Her eyes fell, and she looked away. Her gaze fell on Raj Bahadur holding the baby, and this time she went to him, and took the baby from him.

Pratibha had been sobbing quietly by the bed, but now she held back her tears and wheeled her chair to Khushi, and looked at the baby longingly. Khushi put the little bundle into her arms, and she took it and held it to her fiercely, sobbing her heart out. Then, with a wrench, she handed the baby back to Khushi.

“No! I mustn't touch her! Please take her, please, please!”

Arnav came up behind Khushi. She was too choked to speak. Arnav put his arm around her firmly.

“We'll take care of her. Don't worry about her. She will not want for anything. Believe me, I promise you.”

Pratibha looked at him gratefully through her tears. “I believe you,” she whispered. “Manish always said he could trust you with his life, and he had stabbed you in the back, by taking Khushi away from you. Now he will be able to die happy, knowing you are together after all, and you'll take care of my Soni.”

Arnav nodded, pressing Khushi's arm warningly, as if to stop her from saying anything. As if she was capable of saying anything, Khushi thought faintly. Since Arnav had materialized like some genie, she felt as though she was in a dream, and was watching all the happenings from a great distance.

Still in that daze, she carried the baby out, with Arnav's arm still around her. And still in that daze, she heard Raj Bahadur speak to Arnav.

“I'll drop you at your hotel, shall I? Will you come again to see him tomorrow?”

Arnav nodded. “We will come every day till he needs us,” he replied. “And if there is anything you need to get for him, or for Pratibha, let me know. Or for the baby,” he added, his voice softening.

Raj Bahadur nodded, and looked at Arnav gratefully. “Thank you,” he said. “You've lifted a great burden from my shoulders. I was so worried about Soni. I don't have the means to bring her up as…”

“You don't have to worry about her,” interrupted Arnav, as Raj ushered them into his car. Khushi got in at the back, holding her precious bundle carefully, as Arnav climbed in the front next to Raj Bahadur. The car roared off into the night, and only stopped when they drew up outside a large hotel. Khushi stared at it in astonishment.

“Raj,” she said, urgently, completely ignoring Arnav. “Raj, this isn't the hotel I booked. I…I can't afford…”

“I booked it,” said Arnav brusquely, coming round to open the door for her, and help her out. “Come, Khushi, and don't waste time arguing.”

Khushi opened her mouth, and then shut it again. What was the point? Arnav would always win any argument, and besides, she didn't want to argue with him in front of Raj Bahadur. Arnav gave her a grim look of understanding, and she had the uneasy feeling he had read her mind. He always had, in the old days.

“Good girl,” he said, in an undertone, and handed the baby back to Raj.

“Till tomorrow,” promised the other man. “I'll get Soni's things ready as well, as well as the papers for her…”

“Don't bother,” Arnav broke in. “Just get me her birth certificate. I'll do the rest.”

Raj Bahadur nodded gratefully and settled the little bundle carefully on the back seat, belting her into the infant seat. Arnav turned to Khushi and put an arm under her elbow, not ungently. The hotel bell boy came out and took out the bags from the back of the car, and Khushi noticed vaguely that her own small bag was there too, along with Arnav’s more expensive polished one.

“Come in,” Arnav said. “You must be bushed.”

Raj Bahadur’s car purred away into the night, and Arnav led her into the hotel. Khushi watched in a daze, as he checked them in, and had their bags sent up. Two rooms, she noted dreamily. Her mind seemed to have shut down out of exhaustion, the thinking, reasoning, arguing part of it. She went with the flow, not arguing or resisting … for the moment. Arnav gave her a sharp look. He obviously wasn’t expecting this lack of fight from her, but for the moment, Khushi was too tired to think, let alone fight.

“You go up,” Arnav told Khushi, nodding to the bellboy waiting with their bags. “I'll join you in a while.”

She followed the bellboy, wondering what he was going to do. As she rounded the corner, she heard him tell the manager to book a call to Bombay.

She entered the hotel room Arnav had booked for her, and looked around. It was small, but luxurious … by Nepalese standards it would be called plush, she mused. She looked around at the neat double bed, the small sofa chairs and coffee table at one side, the writing desk, the polished dresser and mirror. She took a brief look at herself in the mirror and grimaced. Her hair streamed limply down her back, and her face was pale, exhausted, dark circles prominent under her eyes. The cumulative effect of the last few months, the long fast yesterday, the tension of the flight and of what she might find at the end … and then the scene at the hospital, the revelations of Manish’s illness … his baby … his marriage …

So where did that leave her, Khushi wondered dimly, as she sank down with a sigh on the bed, which was large and extremely comfortable. Manish had been away for over two years, she could get a divorce with ease. Ever-helpful Lavanya had pointed that out on more than one occasion, her father was a divorce lawyer. Moreover, Manish had married again, although how legitimate his second ‘marriage’ was, was questionable. But more importantly, what about Pratibha? And the baby? That little innocent deserved a chance at life … a life better than what her parents had given her till now. And she needed her mother. Khushi didn’t have to think about what she would do about Pratibha. Pratibha had to come back with her. Could she manage to bring Manish back too? Was he well enough? She had been too shell-shocked at the hospital to ask to see the doctor … she would do that tomorrow first thing, Khushi thought tiredly, her brain finally starting to work again. And Arnav had already said he would organise Soni’s papers … he needed to organise Pratibha’s papers as well …

Arnav …

He hadn’t shown much reaction at the hospital, Khushi mused. Or maybe she had been so numb, so bewildered herself, that she hadn’t noticed his reaction. What would he say now? The truth that she had been hiding from him for so many months, the truth he had refused to listen to, hadn't wanted to hear ... the truth was out in the open … and rather spectacularly at that, she mused ironically, her lips twisting in the parody of a smile.

Arnav had ordered tea, which arrived while she was still waiting for him, and she poured herself a cup, and drank gratefully.

She was sitting hunched on a chair, her hands cupped around the cup as though for warmth, when he entered. He looked at her averted face. She didn't look at him, just stared into her cup. Her mind seemed to be completely, blissfully blank.

Arnav sat down on the chair next to hers and looked into the fireplace.

There was silence. For once, he seemed to be at a loss for words. Then he spoke, hesitantly, tentatively.

“Are you very angry with me?”

Khushi gave a tiny shake of her head, but didn't reply. He sighed.

“Khushi, please. Answer me, at least. Talk to me, please.”

She didn't answer, just continued looking into the fireplace. He looked at her then, pleadingly.

“Khushi, I'm sorry. You have every right to be furious with me. But how was I to know? You didn't tell me. You didn't tell me anything. Khushi, why didn't you tell me? Why?”

She looked at him then, her bitterness in her eyes.

“Why didn't I tell you?” she asked, and laughed almost hysterically. “My God, Arnav, did you ever give me a chance?”


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